I originally wrote this article in the height of the covid-19 pandemic, when life was difficult. It doesn’t require a pandemic for life to feel difficult, though. We can be confronted by challenges, tragedy or struggle at any point during our lives.
Challenges, tragedy and struggle are part of life.
And these times will be difficult, there’s no denying that. But there are plenty of evidence-based techniques that can help you to feel just a bit better when life is difficult.
Here’s 5 quick techniques I shared during the pandemic, plus the science behind why they should make you feel better.
5 techniques to feel better when life is difficult
1. Take a self-compassion break
Self-compassion boosts your immune system, reduces anxiety and stress, increases happiness and motivation and alleviates some of the suffering caused by traumatic life events.
Sounds exactly what we need during difficult times, right? But, if anything, we tend to be self-critical rather than self-compassionate. So how do you actually do it?
Practicing self-compassion is surprisingly easy, thanks to self-compassion experts Kristin Neff and Chris Germer who teach a three-step approach called the ‘self-compassion break’.
Recently, when I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed I’ve got into the habit of pausing and taking one of these self-compassion breaks. I can confirm, it really works to help calm and soothe.
The three steps of the self-compassion break involve mindfulness, a sense of ‘common humanity’ and kindness.
The steps can be taken in any order, but this is what works best for me:
- First, notice what you’re feeling and fully acknowledge it. This step is about being mindful of what you’re experiencing. I normally label what I’m feeling silently in my head: “I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now”.
- Next, realise you’re not alone – others experience this too. This brings in an element of what we call common humanity which reduces feelings of isolation and overwhelm. Recently I’ve been saying to myself something like: “Everyone’s feeling overwhelmed at the moment. This is impacting us all.”
- Lastly, show yourself some kindness through soothing words or noticing what you might need in that moment. For me, I usually need to hear that what I’m feeling is normal, I’ll remind myself: “It’s totally normal to feel like this at the moment. It’s no surprise you’re overwhelmed, this is a really tough time.”
The three steps can take as little as 30 seconds, or you can turn them into a longer meditation. Self-compassion is about being kind, caring and responsive to yourself – so shape the practice in whatever way you need to.
If you want someone to guide you through the self-compassion break to help you get the hang of it, Kristin Neff does so here.
2. When it doesn’t feel good, name it
This technique is so simple it’s easy to overlook. But research shows that the simple act of naming what you’re feeling, whilst you’re feeling it, is surprisingly beneficial.
All you have to do is silently (or even better out loud) name or give a label to your emotions.
If you’re like the rest of us at the moment you might be feeling all sorts of uncomfortable emotions like: overwhelm, loneliness, anger, frustration, anxiety, fear or even grief (as David Kessler pointed out in this fantastic podcast episode)
Naming your emotions heightens your awareness of them so they can inform you. When you’re aware of what emotions you’re experiencing, you can choose how best to respond to them. For example, you could decide to take a self-compassion break, rather than fall into unhelpful, automatic reactions.
As the renowned neuroscientist Dan Siegel puts it: “Name it to tame it”
In addition to giving us more control over how we respond to our feelings, when it comes to uncomfortable emotions, like the ones I mentioned, naming them actually makes them less intense too.
3. Embrace opportunities for joy and laughter
As a way to balance the uncomfortable emotions over the last few weeks I’ve been watching a lot of comedy on TV. Initially it felt a bit inappropriate sitting down to watch some lighthearted stand-up whilst the world outside was falling apart.
But then I realised what this was giving me.
Other than doing our bit by social distancing, we have very little control over the pandemic and its impact. And that’s worrying.
Lack of control can lead to feelings of helplessness, overwhelm and even anxiety and depression.
But one element we can feel a sense of control over at the moment is our mental wellbeing.
With its ability to reduce the stress hormone cortisol and release feel-good endorphins, laughter is a sure way to boost your mental well-being.
So embrace this and any other moments of joy throughout your day. It’s ok to laugh. You’re doing your bit to control the impact of this pandemic.
4. Savour what you have
One way to get more out of those moments of joy is savouring.
As humans we all have a bias which means the negatives in life stand out more than the positives. And with so much very real negative stimuli at the moment the balancing act we normally need to do to see the full picture and stay healthy is even more tricky.
Savouring is one of my favourite techniques to remind my brain there’s good things to see as well as bad.
Since we’ve been self-isolating, I’ve made a special effort to savour the pleasures I still have throughout my day, despite so much being taken away.
The sorts of things I savour are only small: my morning coffee, rays of sunshine hitting my face or moments of relaxation with my fiancé. They might be small but they can pack a punch when it comes to boosting my happiness.
It sounds naff, I know. But there’s plenty of evidence for the benefits of savouring, like increasing our positive emotions and overall levels of happiness. So isn’t it worth it, naffness and all?
5. Limit your time on social media
Ok, so we’re being told to do this all the time – pandemic or no pandemic. But it’s only recently I’ve learnt why social media impacts our happiness for the worse.
It’s what our brains get up to, subconsciously, whilst we spend time on social media which can leave us feeling bad. Whilst we’re on social media our brains are constantly carrying out social comparisons. That is, evaluating ourselves relative to other people.
And we can’t decide who our brains do this with – they just soak up whoever’s there.
So when you’re on social media, seeing how well others are coping with the pandemic (even though, rationally, you know this is likely to be only a small hi-light in that person’s day) your brain interprets it as 1-point to them, 0-points to you.
You’re worse off than that person. You’re not coping as well. You’re a failure.
This study on using facebook demonstrates the link between social comparison and low self-esteem.
With so much to already deal with negatively impacting our wellbeing, perhaps now is a good time to listen to that advice by reducing the time you spend on social media?
One particular quote from all the happiness and wellbeing resources I’ve been consuming recently stuck with me:
At times like these, it can help to remind ourselves of a fundamental truth: everything that starts, ends.” – Sylvia Boorstein (on the 10% Happier Podcast)
Hopefully the 5 techniques will help you feel ok-ish now, until we get to that end.