Why being self-compassionate is good
When it comes to self-compassion, the research is clear:
Being self-compassionate reduces anxiety, stress and depression.
It alleviates some of the suffering caused by traumatic life events.
And it even boosts our immune system, increases happiness and increases motivation.
Despite the health benefits, though, most of us have a tendency towards being self-critical rather than self-compassionate.
The good news is, self-compassion is a skill you can learn. It isn’t the case that we’re either self-compassionate or not. It isn’t set in stone and unchangeable. We can become more self-compassionate.
The benefits of self-compassion meditation
That’s the aim of self-compassion meditation; it helps us become more self-compassionate.
This form of meditation not only increases self-compassion, though, research also shows it increases self-reassurance and helps us feel less self-judgemental and isolated (which could explain some of the health benefits above!).
If the research isn’t enough to persuade you to add this practice to your wellbeing toolbox, perhaps the following analogy will help.
A helpful analogy to bring self-compassion to life
Borrowing from a Buddhist analogy, self-compassion helps us stop throwing “second arrows”…
In life there will always be “arrows” thrown at us, like stressful or painful experiences. These are the first arrows – the primary or initial stressor. But then, on top of the first arrow, we add our reactions. Our reactions are the second arrow – the secondary stressor which we throw ourselves.
For example, if you stub your toe on a coffee table the first arrow is the pain. Then comes the second arrow of anger: “Who moved the coffee table?!” or self-criticism: “I’m so clumsy, why am I always so stupid?”.
Second arrows often trigger more second arrows. So in our example, you might feel guilt about your anger or hopelessness following your self-criticism.
First arrows can’t be avoided, they are a part of life. But second arrows can be avoided – this is the part that is in our control.
Self-compassion helps us to step back from throwing second arrows. It helps us to recognise the initial stress or pain and enables us to react with kindness instead.
How to practice self-compassion meditation
A simple way to practice self-compassion is through Dr Kristin Neff and Dr Chris Germer’s Self-Compassion Break.
The Self-Compassion Break is a 3-step mini-meditation for difficult times. Here’s a summary of each step:
- Become mindful: acknowledge what you’re feeling right now and that this is a moment of suffering or difficulty.
- Adopt a sense of common humanity: realise you’re not alone, others experience this too, this is a part of being human.
- Be kind towards yourself: give yourself what you need in this difficult moment. That might be kind words, some relaxation or sometimes it might be making a change or taking action.
Give it a go, and see if you start to notice any of the benefits for yourself.